Just the Facts...

Compiling the family tree can be much like planning a wedding. Should I invite the cousin I don't like? Or the in-law who was incarcerated? What about the sibling I stopped speaking to when we argued about that thing that neither of us remember?

Tempting as it may be to leave all of the ex spouses off of the tree, the documented family tree is a road map for generations to come. It is for our children to be able to know who they've come from. Leaving a child's parent off a tree denies one half of their ancestry.

Family trees can (and should) address the issues of multiple marriages, adoption, blended families, or children born out of wedlock. A complete tree enables families to track inherited illnesses, causes of death, and migration patterns within a family. It allows us to address the "why" and "how" of our family as opposed to the "who."

Obviously, there are some experiences that families choose to turn away from - violence, addiction, etc. These experiences are painful daily reminders of the trauma the family has survived and it is understandable why the family may want to omit this. The fact that the family has overcome and thrived is also family history, though, which cannot be told unless all members are present on the tree.

Try the following tips to help your family tree come to life:

1. Let compiling the family tree be a neutral zone. A Switzerland of sorts when it comes to documenting the family. Pick a representative from the family who is relatively free of conflicts to compile the tree.

2. Establish a baseline that governs who makes it onto the tree. For our family, we have a saying: "Once you are in the family, you're family." This includes adopted, ex, and step family members. Any offspring of a family member is put on the tree, regardless of their legal status.

3. If the conflicts are worth preserving through the generations, try documenting them in a family narrative, not the family tree. After all, your generations to come may want to know why Cousin Zach moved to Idaho and stopped talking to the rest of the family.

Remember, the family tree is not for you - it's for your generations to come. Do them a favor and document your entire family.

We are Lift Every Voice LLC, and we do stories. Find out how we can tell your family story at www.lifteveryvoicellc.com

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